Today’s world can be a confusing place for many people, especially the aged and infirm such as myself. A quick flick through the myriad pages of Urban Dictionary just goes to show there are about three and a half billion new and confusing words people are using that I have no idea about.
Bae is well hench
Which according to some means strong shit.
So with my being in a bad mood, I’ve decided to take a few of these oft-used words and sayings then rip them apart to make myself feel better.
‘Bants’ Possibly the most offensive word used in the most ridiculous way at the moment. Back in t’day playful banter could be defined as a witty conversation between a pair of friends who might poke a little fun at each other.
‘Ah, Bertie, you are such a dapper chap.’
“Why thank you very much, Tarquin, you appear to be a chapper dap yourself.’
Bants today seems to be more like an excuse to utter the most vile, outrageous and downright evil things to another human being. As long as at some point there is an interjection of ‘It’s just bants’ then. seemingly, anything goes.
I hope you get skin cancer and your face rots off – just bants, it was only bants.
‘Just reverse back a bit.’ Well what other direction would I or anyone else reverse? Sideways? Diagonally? Through a rift in space-time?
This is often shouted at low frequencies and high decibels around garages (auto shops for US readers) where ape-like mechanics bellow at each other while emptying the bank accounts of unsuspecting car owners.
John! Reverse back mate!
Back up? Fine. Reverse back? NO!
‘Round Circle.’ Often uttered by the limited in intelligence, round circle is in a similar vein to reverse back. What other manner of circle would there be? A rectangular one? An egg-shaped circle? A circle shaped like a dodecahedron? No, sorry but by it’s very definition a circle is round and there is no need to say round circle.
Change it to another shape and it becomes clear how abjectly stupid it is.
Just draw a boxy square.
‘It’s a no-brainer.’ Well that is lucky as you appear to be severely lacking in that particular department.
Often heard uttered by an orange-skinned, vapid bimbo, this particular saying is almost at the top of my list of stuff that annoys me more than it should. The addition of a simpering voice and ridiculous sounding accent simply makes this phrase worse. I find myself with jaw clenched and fists balled whenever I hear some idiot say this.
Okay, top of my list (and it is just my list) The out and out, most annoying, stupid, obvious thing people say. And it gets said a lot now.
It is what it is.
OH REALLY? YOU DON’T SAY!
What else would it be? If it wasn’t what it was it would be something ELSE!
Seriously! Stop. Just stop saying it. It’s not clever and it just highlights the fact you have nothing better to say than to state the obvious. Might as well go round saying, ‘The sun’s yellow’ or ‘The world’s round.’ ‘I have feet.’ Give up and go home.
It is what it is? Jesus!
So there we are, bant rant over. You can carry on with your happy lives now and if this post has upset you in some way, feel free to go die in a hole. Just bants.